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10 cosas que definen si estas viejo
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10 cosas que definen si estas viejo hace 5 años, 4 meses #283

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Los años pudieron ya haber pasado por ti. Nunca más serás el mismo. De repente notas que te salen frases de tu papá y que lo entiendes más que nunca. Lo que antes te divertía ahora sólo te agota. Si encajas en una o varias del listado abajo… ¡Ya no eres joven!





1. Los niños te llaman señor

Es el primero y más doloroso de todos, infantes que te dicen “señor” para pedirte la hora, o permiso para pasar, o cualquier cuestión. Su palabra oficial para llamar tu atención es esa, terrible, temida, determinante e implacable. Casi sientes como se te va la juventud cada vez que te la dicen.


2. Los “nuncas”

¿Nunca te habías dolido los tobillos así? ¿Jamás te habías contracturado la espalda por cargar cajas? ¿La muñeca nunca te había dado lata por el tenis? ¿Nunca pensaste que tendrías acidez o reflujo? “¿Te juro que nunca me había pasado esto?” Acostúmbrate.

3. Eres selectivo con tus bebidas alcohólicas

Nunca más anís, carta roja, chemineaud, leche de la mujer amada, canelita, cinco estrellas, ginebra de la mala con jugo de naranja, vodka glacial, bajo zero e incluso cacique. Ahora compras puro Santa Teresa 1796, Buchannans 12, Old Parr, Cacique 500 y cosas por el estilo. En el peor de los casos, cuando la situación económica no está buena, pues optas por Solera Light o verde. Pero aferrarte a una botella de “Anís El Muco” con Frigurt sin importarte la consecuencias, nada que ver, eso es cosa de chamos que no tienen problemas en aguantar el terrible ratón.

4. Los insoportables ratones (o peor aún, canguros)

Ya no se puede fiestar, beber, dormir un par de horas y estar listos para la acción. Ahora los “canguros” te pasan facturas impensables, de entre 48 y 72 horas, acompañados de dolores físicos, posibles resfriados y hasta fiebre. Ya no eres todopoderoso, ahora sólo te queda nada más resignarte a que los días siguientes serán insufribles, eso es valor.

5. La antiestética deportiva

Entonces empiezas a usar conjuntos de pantalones largos, con tenis blanquísimos, sin ningún tipo de efecto o tecnología que no comprendas, o quizás shorts cortos y coloridos, medias altas con franjas de color, franelas anchas y frescas y metidas por dentro del pantalón, chaquetas sin arremangar, gorras para el Sol (pero por el sol, no por moda). Cualquier otra cosa simplemente no te queda.

6. Sabes qué/cómo es…

Los Thundercats, Los Halcones Galácticos, los cassettes, Mecano, el Atari, el Super Nintendo, Huckleberry Hound, la Pepsi Ligera, grabar en BETA/VHS, un cassete virgen, Discman, Discos flexibles de 5’25 y floppys, Locomía, Sábado Sensacional con Amador Bendayan, el copete de Karina, los relojes “calculadora”, Contesta por Tío Simón”, Alf, Mazinger Z, Dino Riders, Robotech, Remy, Salvados por la campana, Luke Perry, Shannen Doherty, Jennie Garth, que el código postal de Beverly Hills es 90210, MTV con sólo música, los tazos de los Looney Tunes y Tiny Tunes, los yoyos canjeables de Coca Cola, la radio AM, los Caballeros del Zodíaco, etc… Ya eres viejo!

7. Compras ropa cómoda

Ya no más jeans ajustados o Converse de colores. No más franelas pegaditas, sacos apretados o copetes (porque probablemente estés calvo). Esas hebillas tremendas se acabaron para ti. Ahora unos buenos jeans amplios, unos tenis sencillos y comfortables, una camisa con espacio para tu cuerpo. Comodidad mata estilo.



8. Esperas el fin de semana… para descansar

La semana estuvo pesada, incluso desde el jueves ya anhelas dormir un poco más. No importa si es el cumpleaños de la hermana hermosa de tu mejor amigo, con sus amigas preciosas, realmente consideras la posibilidad de quedarte a descansar porque mañana tienes muchas cosas que hacer y estás deshecho. Incluso le haces caso. Pasaste a la zona de “señor”.

9. Te paras atrás en los conciertos o compras VIP

¿Pero cómo voy a meterme en la “olla”, apretado, sudando, con olores indeterminados, recibiendo esa cerveza tibia de los vasos que ruegas que en verdad sea cerveza, saltando todo el tiempo. No no, yo mejor atrás cómodo, a una distancia saludable, invocando a la nostalgia, siempre pendiente de estar confortable y con un Whisky en la mano. Bien por ti.

10. Te quedas dormido

En el partido, en el cine, en la junta, después de comer, el domingo, viendo pelis, en el semáforo, en el vapor, en el yoga, etc.

Re: 10 cosas que definen si estas viejo hace 2 semanas #550

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